Magik Quilter

magikquilter August 5th, 2008

Remember when I asked how we could know that what is said online is true and also how do we ever know anyone online? Well its turned around and really hit us in the face over the past few days. Recently my son and I have been involved in a situation online with a blogger he felt he has known well for over a year who left a post which stated that she was upset and her heart was shattered because someone had said something negative or untruthful about her online. She closed comments so that nobody could address her post or even show their concern. Nobody had any idea what was the matter. I left a comment (edited from we to I) on her previous post then we then sent emails asking if she was all right. No reply.

We then went over to the person we thought she might have been referring to and saw the post she was talking about. The young man was discussing how he was coping with the recent loss of his brother to cancer after a four year battle. He mentioned that the girl he had a relationship with online had broken up with him as he could not give her the time she needed. He was not denigrating her at all in fact he said she was wonderful.

I commented on the young man’s heartbreaking post, it was so indicative of his anguish that even though I had never met him before online I simply had to share my sympathy and concern. After a while I emailed another friend whose blog is part of this girls network and expressed how concerned I was. Meantime the OP was still not responding to emails or comments about how she was.

She then put up a post where she said thanks for your concern and links to a Hallmark card saying thanks for your friendship and started recounting the various losses she had suffered in July which included the most extraordinary tale of a little girl that she had lost in July…a virtual obituary. I was in the room when my son read it and I heard his breathing change….he said mum you have to read this …its really bad ..this little girl died. I went over to her blog to read it….scrolled down over the photos and saw where she had put something like….PS she’s not dead…. just seems like it to me.

We both felt sick and extremely offended that after three days she posted something which was so trivial about the anxiety that her readers had felt and then so warped in its perception of the “loss” of a child. We felt it was offensive on so many levels…it trivialised the losses my son has experienced, he lost a friend when he was in school and then there are all the children he has seen over the years who have lost their battles with various diseases….he has had a lot of loss in his life. So we left comments saying how this had made us feel….she had said in one of her previous posts that she welcomed friends telling her when she has said something wrong or when she has upset someone….said a real friend would let her know. Of course few do…her blog is known for its fluff after all. She quickly respnded by saying that she is sorry that her post caused us such deep offense. she also added throughout the post…she did not die lest you get the wrong idea….without saying why she did that.

Then we were attacked by people on her blog…by people who had not even left comments on that post for days…we were the first responders as it were. I then left a few comments trying to explain what we had felt and why we had so responded but to no avail. These mostly young people, although there is one there who is closer to my age have either said nothing to our defense or attacked us. there are two people who told her to lighten up and that they thought the girl had died too …but guess what they have not been so attacked. I tried to talk to her by email and all I got was you are judging me….about the boyfriend. Who incidentally took the post down which upset her…I can see why now…he did not need a posse of her supporters attacking him in his time of grief.

Today she put up a post where she again closed comments after saying how terrible she is feeling and how two of her supposed friends attacked her when she was so heartbroken yaddayaddayadda…so I have come to the conclusion that we have a slightly disturbed individual, who is also a drama queen, who has no perception of her impact on others. She has constantly bemoaned her singledom and the state of her friendships and relationships with her family …well duh is all I have to say.

You may think I am a mean and spiteful person posting this, I am in fact the mother of a wonderful human being who has done nothing but be a friend to this girl…I shudder to call her a woman… who has twisted everything we have said and done even to changing the post without showing where or how she changed it….making us look to future commentors like nasty vindictive people. My son recently had a blogging crisis due to ill health and she is aware of this but in my mind has no concern for anyone but herself…in discussing the little girl who was “gone” she said something like….I made her hug and kiss me in public cause everyone stared at us and I liked it…am not surprised the parents of this child took her away from that kind of manipulation.

Okay so what is really bothering me is how easy it is to be maligned here on the net and how people can reinvent history…we now look like the baddies here …while we were simply trying to help an online friend. Also I hate to be proven right about online relationships…although I know I do have some wonderful relationships but they have been forged through common interests like craft, thriting and pain or loss. I shall be encouraging my son to do the same.

Edited to say that I am a mother and that is something this young lady may have not taken into account…mothers will fight for their children no matter what age so an attack on my son is an attack which I will not hesitate to address

Tags: blogging ettiquette, flame wars, online friendships, thoughtlessness, truth online

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magikquilter August 3rd, 2008

Since I have recently celebrated a year as a blogger I thought a post evaluating the morality of blogging would be timely. One aspect of blogging which has concerned me has been covered by various people recently and that is when people stop blogging without warning. One lady I thought I had a relationship with last year decided to stop blogging without any notice, suddenly said she wanted to live life rather than write about it. I was disconcerted as she did not even return emails to see how she was getting on so I have to wonder if we really had any form of relationship. Also perhaps it shows that we may expect too much or put too much value on our online relationships.

I firmly believe, even though a lot of people will howl in dismay, that online relationships are not as real as offline ones, mostly because we really never know the people we meet online. Of course we never know anybody really. I used to work in a church and one of my roles was to prepare the church for the services and to work with the funeral directors for the duration of the services. Apart from the family feuds which escalated after the death of a parent, where usually the adult children said that their parent was a saint and could not understand why their children did not get on….well duh….the other thing I saw a lot of was that even in close families and relationships a lot of people said that they thought they knew the deceased person but they really didn’t.

I have also been concerned at the way people treat one another online. As many of you know I have had an incident of an administrator of a well known and respected quilting group online banning me without explanation or recourse. Also the recent forum incident on flickr is just one of many where I was appalled at the behaviour of fellow human beings online. Some of the people involved in one of the forum threads on flickr where I asked for help started actually barking and making animal sounds on the thread …and because these were written down they seemed even more appalling……calling troll troll and making sounds of an animal at the lady they took to be as troll, who had said she was a recovering cancer patient……

I know that the kind of attitude shown by these people would not be acceptable in real life or perhaps its simply that it would not be tolerated…we would not allow ourselves to be so treated in real life and hopefully people around us would come to our defense as well. But ultimately I feel we would not be treated so harshly because of the unspoken rules of social intercourse. We teach our children manners for a reason…it really does make the world a better place but online it seems to me that this is an aspect of life that is being overlooked.

I find also that we often misrepresent our personalities online … that we show the light frivolous party side of our personalities when we answer comments…we are careful not to disagree with people because of their “its my blog and I do not like to be brought down” mentality or the “best not disagree cause its their blog and they have the right to their opinion on their blog” mentality.

This then leads into something that really does concern me…. how do we know if what we are being told is the truth online? Remember the case of Megan Meir? Where the mother of one of her rivals from school created a fictional online boyfriend for Megan with the ultimate purpose of having her fall in love and then be rejected by him? Megan killed herself after the fictional boyfriend spurned her and made her feel that she had no right to exist. After a lot of public outrage the mother has finally been charged on the grounds of perpetrating a hoax on My Space…that was all they could actually find to charge the mother with.

What about the possibility of people making up grave illnesses to get sympathy or even gifts or money or just plain attention? Imagine if someone started such a thing and had a change of heart and did not want to go on with it anymore? I guess they could just delete their blogs or not update anymore but the real isue is the amount of empathy and concern and time stolen from well intentioned people. I guess though good intentions do count for a lot and all the vibes and prayers have not been for naught although those who have fretted anxiously over the ill health and even possible death of a fraudulent blogger may not feel that. Hopefully if the fraudulent blogger did want to start afresh they would have had a taste of the support system which bloggers give each other and will be confident enough to start afresh online with an honest new voice.

I have also witnessed flirtations online which in real life may not have gone any further but the excitement and lure of the unknown have led to affairs and other actions which would normally be totally against the character of the people involved. Then we have the love affairs where the couples have never met, in real life they would be suspicious of strangers yet have fallen in love online. I know of several couples who met online who are now married however they actually met regularly in real life as well to make sure the chemistry was right. How can you know someone you have not met in person is really right for you especially as we really do not know people until we live with them. When people who conduct their romances online break up we often get the dirty laundry aired online too… people are upset when that dirty laundry is aired online….although they were more than happy to share all of the good stuff while it was exciting and new!

Another thing we forget is that while we may like to offload online not everybody is happy that complete strangers may be reading personal stuff about them. I am guilty of that myself and have recently privated a post in case it caused offense to someone I know…although I do take this into consideration before I post…usually the act of writing the post and the initial regular readers responses helps the situation I find. Writing is cathartic but we all have to consider the feelings of others when we do offload.

I think we also have a responsibility to our readers to not worry them too much…as in real life when we would consider before telling someone something which is upsetting or troublesome. If we do disclose these type of things then I believe we have a moral obligation to be there to answer any queries either on the blog where we brought them up…either in comments or privately in emails. After all if one of our friends told us they were at their wits end we would immediately want to help them..make sure they were all right wouldn’t we…if we did not we would not be any kind of friend would we?

One area of blogging which really concerns me is the aspect of driving readers to the blogs via dishonest or manipulative means. You know, you are enjoying reading something and you suddenly realise it is just a way to get you to buy something! I think people who exist purely to drive sales to their shops should be honest about it….do not pretend to like me and be my blog friend! The same can be said of people who manufacture dramas so that they can get a bigger readership ….its a bit like the fraudulently ill bloggers…its a scam really and we would not tolerate it in real life.

Overall blogging and being online over the last year has been a positive experience and certainly I have learned an incredible amount, have been embarrassed and humiliated …much like in real life but have also discovered so very many genuine people out there …far too many for me to know in ten lifetimes so I am concentrating on the ones I do know and not worrying about getting lots and lots of new readers…of course they could all be fake but its a risk I am happy to take. One of the ways I know the genuine ones or genuine to me is that they have similar values like courtesy and respect or appreciation of family, they have an interest in world events or creativity or spirituality, and they can be any age really ….much like the friends I choose in real life!

Tags: acquaintances, etiquette, flame wars, flickr, friendship, manners, online relationships

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magikquilter August 2nd, 2008

My favourite little gift shop is having a 50% off sale as they are closing for renovations. I managed to find three geisha….one with a musical instrument, one with hands together in greeting [?] and one with the cutest little handbag. I like to support small businesses and the proprietor Antoinette is really a sweetheart, extremely courteous and interested in both my son and my own creative endeavours.  Over the years I have found some wonderful jewellery there from Israeli artisans and lately she has introduced the 1928 line which I used to buy from Grace Brothers about 15 years ago. I shall be returning to have a better look at the jewellery next week.

The geisha will work a treat with my presentation photography…thanks for that Muse I have been searching for the right term to describe what I am trying to do with that and she pops it out just like that…isn’t blogging grand? Should be my new catch phrase or perhaps instead of quit it which my husband said was going on my tombstone, “she finally quit it”. So instead it could be “she is at one with the blogiverse” Anyway I digress …

As well as the geisha I bought a wall canvas that I have admired for some time and some of the Egyptian collectibles which CJ  admires. One of them he had been after for some time of Tutankhamen as a boy and some wall art which he had long admired. The geisha are a great find as I have some jewellery boxes painted with geisha and would also like to make some wall hangings as well a quilt possibly duvet cover with some of the many geisha themed fabric in my stash.

It is colour therapy of a different kind….just what I needed after the most shameful treatment from my GP earlier. I was on my way home from there when I saw the sale was on…a five minute walk which took twenty minutes due to the pain in my foot…had to use a cane which I despise as it is a signal to others that something is not quite right! Let us just say that I needed therapy after the way I felt after that visit!

Tags: appalling doctor's visits, canvas artwork, Egyptian Artwork, figurines, geisha, sale 50% off

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magikquilter August 1st, 2008

Can you believe I have been so busy blogging, flickering and tidying my sewing that I did not even notice it was my bloggiversary yesterday? I deleted a whole lot of early posts and it was not until I answered Kaylee’s sweet comment that I realised that it was a year ago yesterday that I started blogging.

Over a year ago I was tempted to try blogging as my son CJ thought it would be a useful way to connect with other craft bloggers as I have very little contact with crafters in real life. At this stage I had not really used a computer much and was very wary of bothering CJ as he is busy on his for long periods of time but he encouraged me and was kind enough to set my blog up and at the same time set up a flickr account as well.

I cannot thank CJ enough…for his forbearance and his teaching skills. Eventually I learned how to use the basic functions of the computer although CJ said that he had never seen anyone use the back button as much as I! It was the only way I could fix mistakes and it did not always work! Eventually late last year my father decided to buy me a laptop as a means of helping me with setting up my business. By this stage I was able to publish my own posts and various other things although CJ arranged the photo uploads etc. Along the way we had delightful fraccas as I could not comprehend such basic things as copying and pasting etc etc. I finally worked it out by writing down the steps involved as I watched CJ ‘S fingers flying magically as he performed this most simple of tasks. Meanwhile my husband looked on bemused but proud at my accomplishments.

My blogging started with a trial entry by CJ of a photo of my horses quilt and then I did a few more crafting posts but then I got a little rattled I guess is the best way to describe it…it seemed like a chore and boring to boot. After a month or so I worked out the problem was that I did not like craft blogs as such as I like to effuse about life and books and issues of interest of the day and quite frankly some of the craft blogs were like Friends after 9/11….am sure if another 9/11 happened some of the crafty bloggers would choose to not write about it as it is too negative…unless a year later they made a quilt about it that is.

I think I hit my stride when I covered an issue for another quilter who had a run in with a quilt designer over the kit she had purchased…a little like an expose on the prices and philosophy behind mass production in quilting design today. That also got a fair bit of attention and some of my first comments from people who had found the post through searches or word of mouth. The next big one was  when I noticed Hillary Clinton standing in front of my favourite designers quilt when she was running for election. I covered that and got hundreds of hits in a few days and emails of thanks from the designers in England and America.

Then there was a huge departure for me when I covered on Easter Sunday the sacrilegious use of a church in Sydney and from that I received not only an email from the head of the Uniting Church in NSW but literally several hundred readers and my very first Biblical comment along with on the same post…. my very first instance of being flamed!! By a bigot with pornographic business at that!! Both of these posts entailed followups and were well received.

So my style gradually evolved to some craft and a whole lot of whatever caught my attention at the time. As that developed I decided to delete all posts from last year …I know bloggers world wide shudder in horror at the thought of those comments and all those words …gone forever or only available somewhere in the depths of Google! The thing is there were such big gaps during the first few months until I actually got my own computer that it seemed most sensible to start afresh… when I found my voice.

Along the way I started thrifting posts about all my wonderful vintage finds and I even managed an expose there as well! I also have included interviews or discussions with artisans and recently some “what inspires artisans” posts as well. Recently I shared some private worries which were helped by the feeling of release and also genuine concern voiced by fellow bloggers.

I found that flickr provided a lot of the everyday show and tell and encouragement that I had been after in the blog originally and I met some of the most wonderful artisans there who are now firm friends..Sally and Betty, Regina and Virginia and many more. Most of these do not have blogs so it is a great way to communicate with a different kind of artisan and has led to an interest in photography and the stylizing of photos.

While I have been at flickr a lot of people have contacted me asking me if they could buy fabric and quilts from my non existant shop. They have been very supportive and encouraging so I am closer to opening that now …largely thanks to them and all the work CJ has put into my soon to be released new and improved blog, complete with shop for all those lurkers who are after my fabrics and quilts and bags.

I have met some wonderful people involved in crafting through blogging.  Janey, Melissa, Kathy, Angie, Sunnie, Judy, Judi, Fiona and Jackie overseas                 and    Kara

Kate and Kelly in Oz …all the K’S!!! all wonderfully talented women who totally put my humble efforts to shame. Through flickr I discovered so many wonderful crafting blogs including Jacquie Jackie Arlee, Suzie to name a few.

The Bombshell deserves a whole section to herself as she does not fit into any category really! Looking forward to her return from holiday in California.

So what does blogging mean to me? Firstly it is brilliant distraction for nerve pain…better even than sewing and then its expression and dialogue and more than anything my great love is reading about others lives. Usually I hate non fiction…however I am addicted to reading about peoples lives here and also find that it is not in me to be a lurker. Maybe its because I like to be involved and I find it such a privilege that people will share their lives here and find it impossible usually not to leave a comment.

So thank you all who have read my posts, those who have commented I treasure the dialogue and also thanks so much all who have followed me on my journey here. Most of all thanks to Christopher who patiently guided me until I could do all things here myself…he is a fine teacher and a wonderful person…thanks Christopher.

Edit…..must not forget my first live blogging experience of the hellish helicopters carrying the Pope!!!

Tags: 1st bloggiversary, bloggers, flickr, Hillary Clinton, My Inspirations

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magikquilter July 28th, 2008

These blocks were started to use up some of my scraps especially as I have so many florals gathered over the years. I was inspired by a photo in one of Kaffe Fassett’s books on quilting and really need to get stuck into this quilt top. I like the chance to use yellow which I rarely use and as I have some lovely yellow florals it should be fun to incorporate them into this top.

We have had a very cold day today and I am recovevring from what appaers to be a virus which has affected my voice and swallowing ability….keep choking on drinks! We actually had snow or a hail that stayed on the ground and was soft enough for people to build snowmen in a northern suburb of Sydney today for the first time since the 1800’s so am going to make sure we are all snug tonight…all the spare blankets will be coming out.

Tags: cold in Sydney, handmade, keeping warm in Sydney, snow in Sydney

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magikquilter July 19th, 2008

6pm

Six helicopters and deafening music

Policemen at the end of our road

Barricades at the end of our road

Palpable excitement outside as pilgrims and others walk down the hill to the racecourse

Update… took me 20 minutes to upload that…

More hellish helicopters directly overhead…..could not count them as had to get dinner amidst all this….have to feed the boys.

Had a brief thought that I should be praying for safety as we are really close here….in the midst so to speak.

Sky News is replaying Ray Martin’s wonderful interviews from Super Thursday which my guys missed so that is great…..hope some of the money raised here goes toward the places mentioned here…scholarships for disadvantaged youth etc

Whoops here goes the demon helicopter again..should not say that it might have the Pope on it….its gone quiet….wonder whats happening out there….Amazing Grace being sung on Sky by a disadvantaged aboriginal boy…what a voice….and Ray has still got it.

Welcoming from varied youth in many languages.

Amazing dance and singing …..looks and sounds a bit like Guy Sebastian but is not….while the cross is being brought in by many young people.

Okay…fabulous costumes for all my yellow crafters!

7.15pm Pope Benedict walks onto the stage [?]

Vigorous debate going on in our home about the position of Mary and how the Anglican church could use a more woman centric doctrine or whatever you call it.

Also talking about how the interfaith leaders …Muslim Jewish Buddhist etc etc came to the party [met with the Pope] yet the Dean of St Andrews Anglican Cathedral was spewing intolerance… almost religious superiority in the SMH online the other day.

Of course that could have been taken out of context…the full interview is there on video which I have not watched, of course he had already made his position clear in May this year.

Lighting candle made from wax from candles used in places all over the globe …..the light of the world…..now twelve young people from Oceania lighting candles [torches]

When does the silent vigil start? I have heard more than I can take of the refrain…sorry but its LOUD.

Loud cheering after the Pope’s homily on the Holy Spirit and his experience with reading St Augustine when he was a young man.

Interesting seeing the faces of the Bishops and Cardinals as the Holy Spirit is being “invoked”. Not sure of the teaching behind that but a real yearning there……painfully so.

Now praying for the people being confirmed tomorrow.

Now that is really beautiful singing …..as the eucharist is prepared. Beginning to actually feel sleepy and relaxed so that shows the difference in noise …..wow amazing voice of the young lady singing and what is it with the stunning young lady taking the prayers? Way to go Catholics!!!

Haven’t heard this song/hymn for years….Father We Adore You

By the way CJ left us after he ate…hard for him to take the service after all the inconvenience. He appreciates the history but cannot take the actual…..

8.44pm …wait….that is …. silence…absolute silence…. that was wonderful….only sound was my husband snoring…….oh and just heard the helicopters within the silence

Pope Benedict is looking a little frail ….could be the weight of all those robes though…remember when we worked at St Jude’s Church how heavy the robes were for the vicars. Hope they know what they are doing….he is 81 years old isn’t he?

Quite hypnotic actually the ritual…..I remember it well…..better than I imagine a Prozac to be.

Well until they started that singing anyway.

Cheering going on and he is smiling…

Benedicto Benedicto chanting…..

He speaks in many languages to the pilgrims

Ray is back….the Pope is leaving …….LOUD helicopters and reflective yet joyful pilgrims, all 200,000 of them.

Very LOUD helicopters!

Directly overhead! Going over our unit now!

Pilgrims now preparing for a night of prayer and vigil there….and it is very cold at night here.

And another!

And another!

And another!

Tags: Pope at Randwick Race Course, WYD live blogging

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