Today a seventeen year old blogger, whom I spent a lot of time emotionally supporting well into the night both here and in America came clean about her lies about having cancer and the death of her father and sister, amongst many other things. She has had two blogs over quite a long period of time which I and many many others had believed were set up as a support network to help her deal with her:
1] heart transplant some time ago
2] her many surgeries for cancer
3] her abusive mother and sisters
4] the death of her father and sister
5] the recent bone marrow transplant
6] the surgery on Thanksgiving
My son said that it might be a good idea if she privated or password protected her post as she could get a lot of attention which could backfire on her as not everyone is as forgiving as most of her regular readers. I actually removed her from this blog and stopped supporting her with platitiudes on her blog after I realised that her problem was escalating when she flippantly mentioned that her father had died. Although when she said she wanted to take drugs I could not restrain myself and also when she said she was talking about having sex after her Bone Marrow Transplant!! Tough love I guess…which she responded to. I have sent a comment to her blog but am not sure if it has gone through or not and as I feel quite stongly about this for various reasons here is the comment as I sent it to Kaylee.
Kaylee I have known for a long time that you were misleading us and that was why I withdrew from talking to you here and by MEEBO ….it was hard for you to keep the lies straight after all this time and also your attention seeking was escalating with almost every month that went by. You even mixed up your lies between your old blogger blog and this one. Your voice also changed over time so that yoiu sounded much younger than your age…although I put that down for a long time to the pain and suffering you were going through.
I do forgive you but must say that I was extremely upset when I realised that much of my energy, time and good intentions had been misplaced …especially when as you say other people have cancer or very real deaths in their families.
Though you have fessed up you need to be aware of the implications of this sort of thing on others ….I spent long periods talking to you when you said you could not sleep and neglected my own family’s needs and my own physical pain in the process.
You say you are depressed, that is all you suffer from and I hope you do get help and I hope you disclose this whole WordPress blog history…including your one on Blogger to the therapists. I am no expert but would think this goes well beyond depression. You knew how I felt about this kind of hoax many months ago so then would have been a good time to fess up. I even mentioned in a post how much I hated the dishonesty some people perpetuate online and you agreed with me!
Lastly…you say you left school…I do think that if you have too much time on your hands it would be good to do some voluntary work…ask your therapist about what you could do to really help others less fortunate than yourself…and there are always those in the world.
Oh My Goodness, I am dumbfounded. I think I had visited her blog quite a while ago before the cancer incident. I commend you for not blowing up at her. This is a terrible thing that she has done. I can’t even imagine all the people that DO have cancer that were reaching out to her, only to find out that she has been misleading them. I hope this girl is able to get the help that she so desperately needs.
I’m sorry for what you’ve been through, MQ; I know firsthand how worried you were when you first got to know Kaylee. As Angie said, that you can still write this now and hold her in your thoughts is commendable.
I hope she gets the help she needs as well.
I read your comment and am so sorry that you have been hurt in this way. I am new to Kaylee’s blog and was warned almost immediately that something didn’t add up.
I have not invested the time and energy you have and can only imagine how hurt you are.
Hi Angie CJ and Widdle
I guess the problem for me is that she took advantage of so many who have already suffered or are suffering and therefore wanted to support a young girl whom we felt had unfairly suffered all her life.
It is interesting that in the beginning I wondered as did CJ [my son] but there was the thought that what if it is true and we accuse her unfairly? The big turn around for me was seeing her on so very many other blogs..usually not even acknowledging the post there just saying hi or bad day today….
So I googled her and checked into her old blog…found she was escalating in lies. What did it for me was when someone did a post on September 11th 2008 and the people they lost in 2001…she escalated her lies in how many she lost on this blog compared to her old blogger one!!! Our mothers were right…you cannot keep your lies straight so do not even get started!!
Thank goodness I did not send her my beautiful roses quilt which she liked so much…..she kept asking when I was sending her stuff….and that is my real concern…the fraudulent aspect of this. I wonder how many people she tricked into giving her things…I know of at least two people who sent her things.
I am not even going to get into the ethics of upsetting people who have cancer or who have lost loved ones….that is beyond me.
I’m really in shock about the whole thing. A bit shaken up. I just discovered her blog a week or so ago. I felt so bad that she had cancer.
As a teenager, I suffered a lot of emotional distress because of a big lie. It made me very distrustful and I still have issues with that.
I think when we find out someone has lied, it feels like the ground has been taken from us.
I feel paranoid now. Is anyone else lying? What if all the blogs I read are dishonest? All these blogs I read–all the sadness I feel for people. What if it’s all a lie?
Oh well. I guess I just have to TRY to have faith that most people are honest.
Hi MQ,
It must fel disheartening to feel so misled; especially when you expended your own emotional energy to console and support another who was seeling attention based on a web of lies.
Blogging is a microcosm of the real world. So in the same way that you will meet people day to day in the real world who are attention seekers, liars, cheats, con-people etc., you will also meet a miriad of kind gentle genuine souls …. and all the range that lies in between. The trouble is, it is much more difficult when you are not eyeball to eyeball to tell the real from the fake. It’s the peril of online “relationships”.
Partially this is caused by the potential anonymity that is available online. Let’s face it, anyone can start a blog and create an image of themselves as they would like to be seen – without any link to the real person. They can make up a potted history of the life they dreamt they’d have but never achieved. They can even present themselves as physically beautiful (by stealing photos online) or invent themselves careers that they’ve only read about in magazines. They can create whole fantasy online families. It’s a minefield.
It’s quite a complex subject pscholigically. Some of these folk are without doubt just plain old attention seekers (although their is often a huge and complex reason behind why they do this). Some are just sad pathetic people (not said in an unkind way) who are lonely and insecure and spend their lives online because they don’t have a life in the “real” world … so they make one up without malice aforethough. Some of course are just playing a game …. trying out what it would be like to be a different character, maybe a different sex etc. Then there are those who blog to stir people up, get reactions, be controversial.
And let’s not forget the average person with an ordinary life who just likes blogging about it as a hobby (I fall into this category).
It takes all sorts BUT I draw the line at bloggers who involve their readers in webs of lies that cause anguish and pain – and even trauma. But since blogging is not monitored unless it is lewd in some way, they get away with it.
Don’t chide yourself for not spotting it sooner. You won’t have been the first and you won’t be the last to be duped. It’s almost impossible to tell online – until the blogger forgets their lies and drops themselves in it right up to their false mouth.
I personally particularly object to people who pretend they have had cancer. I have had it and believe me, it’s no picnic. I think people that pretend they have cancer steal from those that genuinely have and who benefit from online support and friendship. And that is a tragedy.
If I were you I would delete her from your blogroll and forget her. There is nothing you can do to help her – those she mixes with in the real world must do that.
Incidentally, these types of online lies could be seen as a type of Munchausen syndrome by proxy (MSP). This is a type of factitious disorder, a mental illness in which a person acts as if they, or an individual they are caring for, has a physical or mental illness when the person is not really sick. People with MSP assume the role of a sick person by lying about illness in themselves or another person under their care. (The term “by proxy” means “through a substitute” – and although this is usually a person, I suspect it is an invented online persona in the case of blogging)
People with MSP (in the real world) have an inner need for the other person (often their own child) to be seen as ill or injured. It is not done to achieve a concrete benefit, such as financial gain. People with MSP are even willing to have the child or other patient undergo painful or risky tests and operations in order to get the sympathy and special attention given to people who are truly ill and their families. Factitious disorders are considered mental illnesses because they are associated with severe emotional difficulties. It is not difficult to see how an online persona can achieve the same end result.
I feel sorry for her. But also annoyed that she caused you and others such grief and disappointment.
Sorry if I’ve rambled a bit …
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Dina and Jan…I am almost beyond words at the heartlessness that I have uncovered today. So many have been hurt and betrayed and are questioning themselves today because of this. I shudder to think how many are upset and feel they have nowhere to turn. But I know that you are all stronger than you think. To survive cancer or to know someone close to you who had it….you are survivors and there is far more good out there than bad. Even today I have met the most amazing bloggers whom I would never have known otherwise.
Teeni said an interesting thing…we need to support and protect each other online…send emails to people if something is suspicious…warn others. In my case I was able to say a few things in the comments a few weeks ago which I think warned a few people and accelerated this process. We do however risk retribution from others who are followers but it is worth it in the end.
I have sent a reply to Queen Bitch above…another casualty of the lies which this girl perpetrated.
Kaylee if you are reading this …you need to make amends..somehow.
I had visited Kaylee’s blog before via your blog. I didn’t return, as it didn’t ring true. Maybe I’m just not sympathetic enough, though I am sorry you were drawn in to her web. That is damaging to you, but ultimately to both of you.
I had another look tonight at her “mea culpa”. She is a very exploitative girl.
The Night Listener (Armistead Maupin)
This is almost comical.
Kid, I feel bad for you. As my father once told me, Life is tough, but its tougher when you’re stupid.
Do yourself a favor, put down the computer and take up a hobby that doesn’t involve being a scam artist and creating a false existence.
@ Kate
I should have known you would be more sensible….I guess I have too much time on my hands when I have insomnia and spend a lot of time online so was there when she supposedly was in hospital and could not sleep…she would email me..can’t sleep etc etc
Her sorry does not hold much weight..am working on something to bring some good out of this….apart from the fact i met some fabulous bloggers of course….watch this space
@ RedWolf01
think perhaps you should address that to Kaylee not me!!
I too read your comment at kaylee’s blog and just wanted to…. I dunno……. offer some support in some way. I’m only a recent reader and was warned early in the piece too, but I’m still appalled at the hurt she has caused.
What has happened, the lies, the deception, the hurt caused to so many kind and generous people is just so wrong. I know I find it difficult to understand how the people who do these kinds of things even begin to rationalize their actions and I hadn’t invested the time or energy into this thoughtless child the way others like yourself had. I hope you can find a way to work past this soon.
Well, she didn’t publish my comment as far as I can see so she is definitely being selective.
I was not involved emotionally at all – I was suspicious and kept my distance, but nonetheless when I found out about this yesterday it left a very nasty taste me my mouth. But seeing people who had been more involved with her than I had (Teeni et al) were forgiving her I decided there was no point me getting worked up about it.
But actually I feel rather annoyed now – partly because she did not publish my comment (which strikes me as cowardly), and partly because she is out and about in blogland leaving comments and still appearing on Twitter. You would think she’d have the decency to go quiet for a while. Not flit around as if nothing has happened. So yes, I am cross now and will be blocking her on Twitter and chopping her blog off my reader.
Does anyone know she is actually 16? Has anyone met her? I really think she needs grounding in Real Life and someone should either meet her or make sure someone in her Real Life knows about all this so she cannot ever do this sort of thing again.
Clearly she needs support but I think it would be dangerous for everyone involved, in particular Kaylee herself, it this was done online through blogging. She needs to put this incident behind her.
This probably sounds really mean actually but I feel better for writing it. Sorry to come here and do so when I have never visited before. But I didn’t want to do it at Teeni’s cos she has not written about this and I admire her big-heartedness. And I doubt Kaylee would publish it if I wrote in on her site.
Rant over . . . Thanks for giving me the space to do it!
@Mistress B and Reluctant Blogger
I am well over the upset and feelings of rage as I did work this out some weeks ago. However her cavalier attitude to it all and her brazen way of trying to get out of it all is annoying. I am still concerned that she has the two blogs up…surely some pressure should be brought to bear on having her put up a disclosure on her about page or something otherwise innocent people…and more importantly people with cancer or their carers and loved ones may fall for it all.
I would say now if she is going about twittering and posting then it could all have been a scam or the tool of a bored and amoral person of indeterminate age. What angers me now or annoys me are the people who are still propping her up and saying they want to get to know the real Kaylee. What is the real anyone online…really and what sort of person wants to know someone whom already know they cannot trust?
I have a lot more to say on this topic but am putting it off until later as I have a RIP to write about a real person who died of really having cancer today.
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We just never know….
I came here via your comment on Kaylee’s blog. I have been distancing myself from her for a while now, so hadn’t seen the big reveal post until after reading a fellow blogger’s post regarding it. Even though the post didn’t name names, I knew exactly who it was about. I was glad that you and several others let Kaylee know just how sick what she has been doing is. I feel very sad that there are still those who will continue to support her and try to help out of the goodness of their hearts, because she will continue to take advantage.
I visited her blog a couple of times after she left comments on mine. I won’t be going back, because I have doubts she is 17, or a dropout. It’s a sick ploy for attention.
I used to wonder if she were making things up, but I didn’t want to be cynical. Lots of bad things do happen to people, so I figured I’d try to be supportive. That SO many things happened to one person seemed a bit odd. But I figured that even if she were making things up, then she was very disturbed and still needed help and support.
I stopped visiting her blog as much as I used to. Well, I’ll be removing her from my blogroll. I’m not upset. I hope she gets the help that she clearly needs. I am glad to hear that all those horrible things didn’t actually happen to her and her family though.
I just tried to visit her blog today and saw that it was deleted. I Googled her and that is how I found your blog.
Hi–A lot of us in the Red Sox blogging community were also duped by this person. I just wish I could’ve seen her “apology.” Did anyone save it?
Jere I do not know if anyone saved it…. Kay55 does have a new blog and she really seems unrepentant there too…as a matter of fact if she is seventeen I would say she is a bit damaged as nothing seems to get through to her. She read these posts and did not say anything here. All she keeps saying is no more lies…as if that is enough
I must say what infuriated me the most were the people who were saying on her post where she fessed up that they wanted to know the real Kaylee..had they not learned anything from this this?
Judy Ginger and Magnolia….
thank you so much for your comments….do not know why I did not see them until now….sorry about that. I guess we are all the wiser for this ..if sadder.
Thanks. I’ll have to check out that new blog of hers. I would love to see the kinds of things she’s saying now. I really wish she hadn’t taken that apology down, as she owes it to the readers of any blog that ever wasted time telling her story….
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Thanks jere for trying to help your readers come to terms with it all
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