Yesterday I caught the train north to visit some friends. I was also going to be visiting my parents who live about two and a half to three hours depending on traffic north of Sydney and as I don’t drive it is quite difficult for me to see them as often as I would like, however last time I was there I showed them photos of my friends and they said that they would love to meet them. I asked if it would be allright if I brought them up to visit next time I came up as they only live thirty minutes apart. They said fine and when I checked two weeks ago to see if this weekend was okay they again said it was. When Saturday night came and I had not heard from them I phoned and my father said that my mother did not want my friends to come because she was worried the house might be dirty. When I phoned my father back later he said he would meet me about 30 minutes from his house and he said that though my mother did not want my friends coming he would come and pick me up at the railway station where I usually get off the train and take me back to his house.
I said that as my friends were driving me there I would rather wait in the shopping mall next to the station with them and treat them to a coffee while I waited for him. So I went to bed and phoned my father at 7.30 am to say that I was about to get the bus to Central Station to get the train and he did not talk for some time so I asked him if something was wrong and he said that mum was not up to coming anywhere today. Well I was a little rattled and said he was the one coming to get me so it did not matter. All quiet again so I repeated again that he said that he would come and get me so what was the problem? He then asked if I would come up again to see them another time. I was pretty rattled as I was literally on my way out of the door and said I had to go as my bus was due.
I slept most of the way up north which was great and was met by my friends whom I had to tell yet again that the plans had changed. We had a wonderful day together, my friend had made some quilts in the style that I showed her several years ago. As she stays in Sydney during the week I had never seen the quilts as she made them when she was home at the weekends. They are so beautiful and also colourful in the way of her culture…she is Phillipino and very exotic and quite beautiful in spirit as well as face. She is taking some photos of these glorious quilts as the battery in my camera died. I was totally spoiled and we were able to really enjoy our time together and I also was able to get to know her husband….whom I had wanted to meet my parents as he is originally from the north of England, like my mother. After lunch us girls went for a walk and even my friend was amazed that there were deciduous trees …..Japanese Maples shedding their leaves and we walked through them talking, laughing and kicking the leaves like children. What was interesting to me was that here was my friend of around two years, whom I have only become close to since standing up to a friend who spoke to me abusively a few months ago, treating me as if I were family. I felt spoiled and valued, something that I needed after the phone calls with my father.
Some years ago I asked them to meet me three quarters of the way there at a shopping centre so that we could eat and shop etc and my father said on the day that mum was not up to it. When my husband and I became Australian citizens about four years ago I thought it was something that they might like to share with our son who was born an Australian citizen. My father said yes they would come weeks ahead and then on the night of the ceremony he phoned to say that mum wasn’t well enough to come. I asked why he didn’t come and he said he couldn’t come without her. That night our son sat alone for about an hour amongst the huge crowd of people supporting the new Australian citizens until the eleven year old son of my best friend and his nineteen year old sister came to sit with him. They then joined us for family photos and it is something that I will never forget ..that my friend’s children came when my own family would not. I was heartbroken for my son…he has an aunt in England and a grandmother who you would have had to kill to stop them going to the ceremony if it had been in their country.
My parents never saw where my son went to school in Sydney and they have not seen where we live in over ten years. I have been the one to visit even though the trip to and from their house takes up to six hours in a day and as I have severe nerve pain it takes up to a week to recover from it. Anyway this is getting way too negative, it is just so interesting to me that my memories of the happy times of my life are full of memories of my immediate family and friends and the absence of my parents, sister and brother. And how so much of my happiness these days is found in the simple things…the leaves, the quilts and showing people who you care about that they are valued, that you care so much about them that you want to see where they live and want to spend time with them there.
Tags: citizenship, dysfunctional families, family, friendship, grandparents, visitingfamily
the 11-year-old boy, that’s him you sewed the awesome brocade quilt for?
